Going to the Chruch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints LDS Family services Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) support group was life changing. It made a huge difference in my husband's and my own recovery. So I hope to talk a little about what I have learned.
When I started going to group the support group used the same book as the addicts, the Addiction Recovery program book, it can be found in the life changes section of the LDS gospel library app. I started to reading the first step Honesty. As I read I was thinking yes this is what HE needs. I was reading for him. I was going to talk to him about it and fix him. This was my mind set. I can't remember if it was the first, or second, or even the third principal that I read and was working through when the thought came to me that I should be reading these steps and working on theses things for my self. This made a huge difference in my recovery. I wasn't doing this for him I was doing it for me. This was my first step. It started me on a path from what I call Satan's plan to God's plan. I know this sounds harsh but it is true. When I was doing everything to keep my husband away from his addiction and enlisted others to do the same I was making his choices for him. That is what Satan wanted for us in the preexistence, he was going to tell us what to do and make us do it. God wants us make our own decisions. I truly believe Satan wanted me to control my husbands action and make him do what is right thus removing my husbands responsibility for his actions and placing them on my shoulders. Now of course I was not responsible for his actions but that was the illusion. When he made a bad choice I wondered what I had done wrong, what I could have done to keep him from doing it, and what I needed to do to stop it in the future when it wasn't my job to do any of those things.
Sorry I got off topic. Honesty: "Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable. I am a codependent woman who wants to control and manipulate my husband to be a righteous person, and this has made it impossible to control my own life. I have become an angry and hurt person and it is hard to see light and happiness. It is hard to focus on what is good in my husband because I am constantly waiting for him to relapse. A quote from the ARP guide says "Addiction surrenders later freedom to choose. Through chemical means one can literally become disconnected from his or her own will." - Elder Russel M. Nelson. I can honestly say I had become so obsessed with my husband's addiction that I was no longer doing things for my self. I still don't a lot of times. I spent hours setting up parental controls and blocking inappropriate things. I had lost who I was and what I wanted. I still am not sure of that.
It is only when I am honest with myself about where my focus is, and when I lean on the lord, that I am able to see the good in my husband and in my life. I am finding my self again and that is because every day I am getting better at letting my husband be responsible for his own actions. Boundaries, (I know I have said it before) are essential for me as a codependent person. Setting boundaries have helped me find peace. This summer my husband had a relapse that had, one come after 4 years of being clean, and two crossed a boundary that protected my children. The consequence of this was that I and my children left the house of and stayed at my mother's. I was mad at him and angry that he had forgotten that being honest with me was important and two that he had forgotten that the protection of my children is number one for me. It took me time to be patient and feel love for him. I had to remember that he is God's son. I had to find my boundary again where I end and he begins because this has helped me know where my codependency is getting stronger than my will. I did a lot of praying and a lot of study. I knew that no matter what my husband chose I would be okay and so would my kids. I hoped and prayed my husband would choose to come to the lord but I knew if he didn't I would stay on my path towards my savior and let him guide my actions.
Thanks for your time. Remember that I am not a professional just a woman who loves a man and the lord. If you feel unsafe please seek help, if you need some to talk to I am more than willing, but finding a local group may be more helpful. Thanks again, bye for now.
Friday, December 14, 2018
Friday, December 7, 2018
Codependency
What is codependency?
Myth; Often we see codependency as some clingy person who has to have the love of the person they love. An inappropriate relationship of mistress that is sure her lover will leave his wife. We think of T.V. sitcoms, and drama's. Most of which depict a crazy girl or guy doing nutty things to keep the person they love in their lives.
Reality: Trying to support your loved one in the best way you know how. Sometimes that means doing things wrong, putting passwords on everything, restricting our loved ones access so that they can't make bad choices, or the opposite doing nothing at all and letting them trample on our marriage vows. We want to know everything and nothing about the nature of the addiction. We want them to be the person we fell in love with. Sometimes we drown ourselves in other things; cleaning house, watching TV, helping others, keeping busy with what ever we can so we don't have to think about it. Just a quick side note, some of these relationships are toxic. If you feel worthless or are afraid you won't be loved by anyone else remember that God loves you more than you will ever know. I know I may be the last person to talk about leaving a spouse since I haven't but I truly believe that toxic relationships are bad for everyone; you, your partner, your children. Follow that gut feeling and your heart. Keep breathing and believing God loves you and your spouse, and things will work out even if you aren't with your spouse. Disclaimer: I am not advocating leaving or staying with a spouse that has an addiction. Please seek help from the appropriate people; counselor, support group, religious leader, prayer. Back to Codependency now.
Okay the reason I brought this up was because if you live with an addict it is likely you have a codependent relationship with that person. I want to talk about the things I have learned about my codependency. Once upon a time I tried to control my husbands every move I wanted to know where he was and what he was doing at all times. I still do really, but I have learned so much. I'll catch you up.
Last time I talked about boundaries, this time I will expand on that. Someone told me once that an appropriate boundary was one that does not impose limits on others only on your self and your children. This is one of the hardest things for me on this journey; I want to drag my husband with me into righteousness, I want him to do the right things, and I want him to do it now. But it doesn't work that way. For change to make a difference in someone's life they have to want it for themselves. There is a song in the hymn book for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints called "Know this, That every Soul is Free". The last part of the first verse applies in this situation "...God will force no man to Heaven." This part of the song has played in my head over and over again. Then I think if God won't do it I shouldn't. My husband needs my love and support but not my direction on his recovery journey. I am still figuring out what that looks like. I know it isn't me telling him to go to counseling, or forcing him with threats of losing me and the kids to go to the pornography additions support groups. It does mean that if he makes those choices around my children we will leave, because I have to protect them from pornography as long as I can. It does mean if he were to continue to make bad choices I don't have to live in that kind of home. It also means I let him know I know he can make the change, and that I love him.
Something that helped me determine my boundaries was in the Addo Recovery program a question was posed. That question was, "What are your absolutes?" or your must haves. I thought about that and then decided how to accomplish those absolutes. I.E. I have to have a safe environment for my children, so pornography will not be viewed in my home etc..
If you are wanting to set boundaries but don't know where to start, feel free to use the resources listed: www.addorecovery.com, Boundaries by Henry Cloud, Also The spouse support group of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Find a meeting here addictionrecovery.lds.org/find-a-meeting?lang=eng
Thanks for reading I hope my little bit of knowledge helps inspire and give peace.
Note: I am not a professional if you feel unsafe or need help Please seek help from professionals.
Myth; Often we see codependency as some clingy person who has to have the love of the person they love. An inappropriate relationship of mistress that is sure her lover will leave his wife. We think of T.V. sitcoms, and drama's. Most of which depict a crazy girl or guy doing nutty things to keep the person they love in their lives.
Reality: Trying to support your loved one in the best way you know how. Sometimes that means doing things wrong, putting passwords on everything, restricting our loved ones access so that they can't make bad choices, or the opposite doing nothing at all and letting them trample on our marriage vows. We want to know everything and nothing about the nature of the addiction. We want them to be the person we fell in love with. Sometimes we drown ourselves in other things; cleaning house, watching TV, helping others, keeping busy with what ever we can so we don't have to think about it. Just a quick side note, some of these relationships are toxic. If you feel worthless or are afraid you won't be loved by anyone else remember that God loves you more than you will ever know. I know I may be the last person to talk about leaving a spouse since I haven't but I truly believe that toxic relationships are bad for everyone; you, your partner, your children. Follow that gut feeling and your heart. Keep breathing and believing God loves you and your spouse, and things will work out even if you aren't with your spouse. Disclaimer: I am not advocating leaving or staying with a spouse that has an addiction. Please seek help from the appropriate people; counselor, support group, religious leader, prayer. Back to Codependency now.
Okay the reason I brought this up was because if you live with an addict it is likely you have a codependent relationship with that person. I want to talk about the things I have learned about my codependency. Once upon a time I tried to control my husbands every move I wanted to know where he was and what he was doing at all times. I still do really, but I have learned so much. I'll catch you up.
Last time I talked about boundaries, this time I will expand on that. Someone told me once that an appropriate boundary was one that does not impose limits on others only on your self and your children. This is one of the hardest things for me on this journey; I want to drag my husband with me into righteousness, I want him to do the right things, and I want him to do it now. But it doesn't work that way. For change to make a difference in someone's life they have to want it for themselves. There is a song in the hymn book for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints called "Know this, That every Soul is Free". The last part of the first verse applies in this situation "...God will force no man to Heaven." This part of the song has played in my head over and over again. Then I think if God won't do it I shouldn't. My husband needs my love and support but not my direction on his recovery journey. I am still figuring out what that looks like. I know it isn't me telling him to go to counseling, or forcing him with threats of losing me and the kids to go to the pornography additions support groups. It does mean that if he makes those choices around my children we will leave, because I have to protect them from pornography as long as I can. It does mean if he were to continue to make bad choices I don't have to live in that kind of home. It also means I let him know I know he can make the change, and that I love him.
Something that helped me determine my boundaries was in the Addo Recovery program a question was posed. That question was, "What are your absolutes?" or your must haves. I thought about that and then decided how to accomplish those absolutes. I.E. I have to have a safe environment for my children, so pornography will not be viewed in my home etc..
If you are wanting to set boundaries but don't know where to start, feel free to use the resources listed: www.addorecovery.com, Boundaries by Henry Cloud, Also The spouse support group of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Find a meeting here addictionrecovery.lds.org/find-a-meeting?lang=eng
Thanks for reading I hope my little bit of knowledge helps inspire and give peace.
Note: I am not a professional if you feel unsafe or need help Please seek help from professionals.
Friday, November 30, 2018
The Journey Continues,
Alright Last time I talked about sticking around when if you were on the outside you might wonder why. I can't say there weren't times I didn't wonder why but it always came down to that feeling that he was sincere in his desire to change. I know I had family members who thought I was naïve and unaware, and in many ways I was. I continued to go to counseling though I have to say after that first counselor said that it wasn't personal I didn't stay with her. (I wasn't ready to hear it wasn't personal yet.) I didn't just talk about my husbands problems partly because he had a couple years there where he did okay. He avoided temptation some of that was because of the circumstances, part because my husbands problem gets worse when he is stressed and doesn't deal with it well and we had little to no stress at this time. We moved from our apartment to my mothers then to our own house during this time all seemed well. I stopped going to counseling and he was going to a support group for a short time while we were at my mothers. Life was good we had a home and were expecting a new baby. Then he switched jobs This began the darkest times in our marriage. His problems came back with a vengeance. He would make excuses for his behavior and try to down play what was going on. His boss didn't fire him but when my husband tried to change his mind about leaving work he didn't get his job back. At the time I was upset but I understand why my husbands old boss didn't want to hire my husband back. We had a Baby then and would soon be expecting a second (though we didn't know this.) We had been trying but my heart wasn't in it. I didn't know if I really wanted to bring another child into the mess that was my marriage. Being out of work we lived on student loans and the charity of others. We both were attending school online so we needed internet this gave him easy access. I tried to set up restrictions and parental controls but he knew his way around them. Trying to keep him away from porn was a full time job. He worked the odd job for his former employer, a friend, and temp agencies, he got hired on at one job but didn't make it past the probationary period. The stress was immense and his go to for stress relief was pornography. During this time we discovered we were expecting baby number two, and he was born healthy and happy but after that yet another job fell through. But God had a plan for two days after our second baby was born my husband got a phone call for another temp job. It was with a travel agency and would last 3 month with the chance of getting highered permanently after that. That job was the reason he didn't get hired at the other job, I am sure of it because he still has that job today (for a little while longer anyway, but more on that later)
During this time my husband spent most of his time with out a temple recommend (a document that allows access to LDS temple for worthy members). I almost left a few times because he was in such a dark place. I talked with our bishop at the time and he said at that time he is in such a dark place right now he can't see the good you have to help him see it. I tried, the thing was that there were some amazingly happy things happening as well I have video of the cutest interaction of him and my oldest playing on Sunday afternoons. He never stopped going to church even during the pregnancy when I was feeling cruddy he would go and take my son with him. He read his scriptures often. He never stopped putting forth the effort to change. After our second son was born he got his recommend back and things were good for a while then of course as addiction goes, it came back. I didn't think I could do much more this time it seemed he had almost given up and I was ready to leave. I talked to our Bishop and he suggested we both go to a support group. I had thought about going to the spouse support group years earlier but didn't I wasn't ready to share what I was going through with anyone else. This time I was ready I didn't want to lose the man I loved (though it was hard to find him at that time), So we started to go to group every Sunday night. I couldn't believe what I had been missing! I had a safe place to talk about my pain and problems with others just like me. I learned that controlling my husband was crippling to both me and him. I was referred to www.addorecovery.com and a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend what a difference that first chapter made. (I am not good with informational books so I didn't get very far) addorecovery saved me so much stress and gave me a sense of security in my home. Between these two things and and the Addiction Recovery Program family support group I found peace. I learned that my job is to protect my children, and my self. Not my husband. I am supposed to love him and support him but not control and protect. I learned about boundaries, a good boundary puts limitations on you and your children without imposing restrictions on the addict. This is what I was told. It is a fine line and one that has been hard for me not to cross because I did it for so long. But the results were amazing. It was very hard at first because I felt like I was abandoning him. He felt that way to. But what I was doing was putting his agency back in his own hands and making him responsible for his own actions. This is instead of controlling those actions and taking his consequence on myself. I know it was the right thing to do.
I have learned so much about addiction. Like you are always and addict. (I didn't know this I thought when you were clean you were clean.) Or you will relapse of you are not actively working on recovery. This was discouraging at first but now I see it as the most amazing mind set. I mean addiction is a disease of the mind, the brain chemistry of the addict is physically changed because of the chemicals introduced into the system. That is powerful, and sexual addiction is worse because it is a naturally occurring chemical that the addict craves. If an addict does not recognize that they are always an addict, and susceptible to relapse they will fall back into those addictive behaviors. The thought that there isn't a cure to addiction is a saving grace. It keeps them on their toes and always aware that they are one wrong step away from falling off the wagon so to speak. Also to those who have the tools it brings peace. To those who understand that God is our guide there is even more power. Only through Him can we overcome our addictions. I am not very good at following God's will always but I am trying to be and hopefully I can get better every day.
Thanks for reading I hope some of what I have said brings peace and healing.
Note: I am not a professional if you feel unsafe or need help Please seek help from professionals.
Alright Last time I talked about sticking around when if you were on the outside you might wonder why. I can't say there weren't times I didn't wonder why but it always came down to that feeling that he was sincere in his desire to change. I know I had family members who thought I was naïve and unaware, and in many ways I was. I continued to go to counseling though I have to say after that first counselor said that it wasn't personal I didn't stay with her. (I wasn't ready to hear it wasn't personal yet.) I didn't just talk about my husbands problems partly because he had a couple years there where he did okay. He avoided temptation some of that was because of the circumstances, part because my husbands problem gets worse when he is stressed and doesn't deal with it well and we had little to no stress at this time. We moved from our apartment to my mothers then to our own house during this time all seemed well. I stopped going to counseling and he was going to a support group for a short time while we were at my mothers. Life was good we had a home and were expecting a new baby. Then he switched jobs This began the darkest times in our marriage. His problems came back with a vengeance. He would make excuses for his behavior and try to down play what was going on. His boss didn't fire him but when my husband tried to change his mind about leaving work he didn't get his job back. At the time I was upset but I understand why my husbands old boss didn't want to hire my husband back. We had a Baby then and would soon be expecting a second (though we didn't know this.) We had been trying but my heart wasn't in it. I didn't know if I really wanted to bring another child into the mess that was my marriage. Being out of work we lived on student loans and the charity of others. We both were attending school online so we needed internet this gave him easy access. I tried to set up restrictions and parental controls but he knew his way around them. Trying to keep him away from porn was a full time job. He worked the odd job for his former employer, a friend, and temp agencies, he got hired on at one job but didn't make it past the probationary period. The stress was immense and his go to for stress relief was pornography. During this time we discovered we were expecting baby number two, and he was born healthy and happy but after that yet another job fell through. But God had a plan for two days after our second baby was born my husband got a phone call for another temp job. It was with a travel agency and would last 3 month with the chance of getting highered permanently after that. That job was the reason he didn't get hired at the other job, I am sure of it because he still has that job today (for a little while longer anyway, but more on that later)
During this time my husband spent most of his time with out a temple recommend (a document that allows access to LDS temple for worthy members). I almost left a few times because he was in such a dark place. I talked with our bishop at the time and he said at that time he is in such a dark place right now he can't see the good you have to help him see it. I tried, the thing was that there were some amazingly happy things happening as well I have video of the cutest interaction of him and my oldest playing on Sunday afternoons. He never stopped going to church even during the pregnancy when I was feeling cruddy he would go and take my son with him. He read his scriptures often. He never stopped putting forth the effort to change. After our second son was born he got his recommend back and things were good for a while then of course as addiction goes, it came back. I didn't think I could do much more this time it seemed he had almost given up and I was ready to leave. I talked to our Bishop and he suggested we both go to a support group. I had thought about going to the spouse support group years earlier but didn't I wasn't ready to share what I was going through with anyone else. This time I was ready I didn't want to lose the man I loved (though it was hard to find him at that time), So we started to go to group every Sunday night. I couldn't believe what I had been missing! I had a safe place to talk about my pain and problems with others just like me. I learned that controlling my husband was crippling to both me and him. I was referred to www.addorecovery.com and a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend what a difference that first chapter made. (I am not good with informational books so I didn't get very far) addorecovery saved me so much stress and gave me a sense of security in my home. Between these two things and and the Addiction Recovery Program family support group I found peace. I learned that my job is to protect my children, and my self. Not my husband. I am supposed to love him and support him but not control and protect. I learned about boundaries, a good boundary puts limitations on you and your children without imposing restrictions on the addict. This is what I was told. It is a fine line and one that has been hard for me not to cross because I did it for so long. But the results were amazing. It was very hard at first because I felt like I was abandoning him. He felt that way to. But what I was doing was putting his agency back in his own hands and making him responsible for his own actions. This is instead of controlling those actions and taking his consequence on myself. I know it was the right thing to do.
I have learned so much about addiction. Like you are always and addict. (I didn't know this I thought when you were clean you were clean.) Or you will relapse of you are not actively working on recovery. This was discouraging at first but now I see it as the most amazing mind set. I mean addiction is a disease of the mind, the brain chemistry of the addict is physically changed because of the chemicals introduced into the system. That is powerful, and sexual addiction is worse because it is a naturally occurring chemical that the addict craves. If an addict does not recognize that they are always an addict, and susceptible to relapse they will fall back into those addictive behaviors. The thought that there isn't a cure to addiction is a saving grace. It keeps them on their toes and always aware that they are one wrong step away from falling off the wagon so to speak. Also to those who have the tools it brings peace. To those who understand that God is our guide there is even more power. Only through Him can we overcome our addictions. I am not very good at following God's will always but I am trying to be and hopefully I can get better every day.
Thanks for reading I hope some of what I have said brings peace and healing.
Note: I am not a professional if you feel unsafe or need help Please seek help from professionals.
Friday, November 23, 2018
(Trigger Warning for addicts and spouses)
Day one the beginning of the journey,
Once upon a time I was a young woman who liked a young man. We had both served LDS missions and both loved God. I talked to him on the phone a couple times a week because we lived on opposite sides of the state. We were just good friends but there was something there. One night during our phone conversation he admitted that he had once had a problem with pornography. He said he hadn't had the problem since before his mission and so I thought "Oh what a great guy honest and honorable." Shortly after, our relationship went from friends to something more. We went quickly from a couple to an engaged couple. We were happy, but he started to have problems. past temptations started to come up and bother him he was honest with me about the fact that they were there and that he was trying to deal with it. Nothing to prevent him from entering the LDS Temple but enough that he felt he needed to talk with his bishop (ecclesiastical leader for The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints). He spoke with him and we were given the go ahead to be married in the LDS temple.
At the time I thought all was well. I thought he was all done with his problem and I would never see it again. I was a very naïve innocent girl, though I had known people with addictions I did not understand addiction. Shortly after we got married his problem reared its ugly head again. He was given a warning at work that if his problem continued he would lose his job. He confided this in me I was devastated I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was not enough. I started to attend counseling and it helped a little. Something that that counselor said was that my husbands actions were not personal. That hurt, I mean how could they not be. He was looking at other women, there must have been something that they had that I didn't. I was wrong. addiction is not personal it is chemical but more on that later. His favorite phrase when sharing bad decisions during this time was "I was curious." I came to hate that phrase! We had been married about 3-4 months when he lost his job because of his choices. Looking back I think if I had had the knowledge I have now I probably would have left him. There were many discussions with our bishop and many trips to the counselor. I didn't truly understand what he was going through. I still don't, but I know that if an addict is not actively working toward recovery they will not be able to succeed in their endeavors. My world was turned upside down and my strength was my faith in God and my love of the man I had married. During that time I would wake up to find myself alone in bed. This more orften than not meant that he was looking at things on the computer. (I still wake up alone but it is different now, usually he is getting ready for work sometimes watching tv, sometimes playing video games. I have come to accept that he gets up early but rarely do I get that gut wrenching fear that he is making a bad choice.) Why did I put up with it why did I stay through this neglect and obvious breaking of our marriage vows? Because I told him one night after we had a long talk, that as long as he was trying to overcome his problem I would not leave.
You see though there were horrible things that were happening there were also amazing ones when you think about it. He was trying. He genuinely wanted to make a change he wanted to stop, he wanted to change. How do I know, he was talking to our bishop he was going to counseling. I felt an honesty in his desires. (I think that God helped me to see his heart and what he wanted). He just didn't have the tools to make the change himself. I can honestly say I am glad I did not leave him at that time. I am actually glad that I didn't know as much as I do now because at that time a desire to change was all I needed to stay. I feel lucky to be with a man that recognizes his addiction as just that, and wants to change. I know that I am where God wants me to be and I am sure it is Him that helped me see my sweet husbands desirer to change.
I am sure there are some that may think I am still naïve but I choose to stay because my husband is a good man. He loves his children and he loves God.
I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning of our journey together but I have learned so much and hope to be able to share both my mistakes and my triumphs. Thanks for reading and I hope I can share hope and peace with others.
Note: I am not a professional if you feel unsafe or need help Please seek help from professionals.
Day one the beginning of the journey,
Once upon a time I was a young woman who liked a young man. We had both served LDS missions and both loved God. I talked to him on the phone a couple times a week because we lived on opposite sides of the state. We were just good friends but there was something there. One night during our phone conversation he admitted that he had once had a problem with pornography. He said he hadn't had the problem since before his mission and so I thought "Oh what a great guy honest and honorable." Shortly after, our relationship went from friends to something more. We went quickly from a couple to an engaged couple. We were happy, but he started to have problems. past temptations started to come up and bother him he was honest with me about the fact that they were there and that he was trying to deal with it. Nothing to prevent him from entering the LDS Temple but enough that he felt he needed to talk with his bishop (ecclesiastical leader for The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints). He spoke with him and we were given the go ahead to be married in the LDS temple.
At the time I thought all was well. I thought he was all done with his problem and I would never see it again. I was a very naïve innocent girl, though I had known people with addictions I did not understand addiction. Shortly after we got married his problem reared its ugly head again. He was given a warning at work that if his problem continued he would lose his job. He confided this in me I was devastated I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was not enough. I started to attend counseling and it helped a little. Something that that counselor said was that my husbands actions were not personal. That hurt, I mean how could they not be. He was looking at other women, there must have been something that they had that I didn't. I was wrong. addiction is not personal it is chemical but more on that later. His favorite phrase when sharing bad decisions during this time was "I was curious." I came to hate that phrase! We had been married about 3-4 months when he lost his job because of his choices. Looking back I think if I had had the knowledge I have now I probably would have left him. There were many discussions with our bishop and many trips to the counselor. I didn't truly understand what he was going through. I still don't, but I know that if an addict is not actively working toward recovery they will not be able to succeed in their endeavors. My world was turned upside down and my strength was my faith in God and my love of the man I had married. During that time I would wake up to find myself alone in bed. This more orften than not meant that he was looking at things on the computer. (I still wake up alone but it is different now, usually he is getting ready for work sometimes watching tv, sometimes playing video games. I have come to accept that he gets up early but rarely do I get that gut wrenching fear that he is making a bad choice.) Why did I put up with it why did I stay through this neglect and obvious breaking of our marriage vows? Because I told him one night after we had a long talk, that as long as he was trying to overcome his problem I would not leave.
You see though there were horrible things that were happening there were also amazing ones when you think about it. He was trying. He genuinely wanted to make a change he wanted to stop, he wanted to change. How do I know, he was talking to our bishop he was going to counseling. I felt an honesty in his desires. (I think that God helped me to see his heart and what he wanted). He just didn't have the tools to make the change himself. I can honestly say I am glad I did not leave him at that time. I am actually glad that I didn't know as much as I do now because at that time a desire to change was all I needed to stay. I feel lucky to be with a man that recognizes his addiction as just that, and wants to change. I know that I am where God wants me to be and I am sure it is Him that helped me see my sweet husbands desirer to change.
I am sure there are some that may think I am still naïve but I choose to stay because my husband is a good man. He loves his children and he loves God.
I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning of our journey together but I have learned so much and hope to be able to share both my mistakes and my triumphs. Thanks for reading and I hope I can share hope and peace with others.
Note: I am not a professional if you feel unsafe or need help Please seek help from professionals.
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